Introduction

Will Smith said it best...
"This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there. I'll tell you how I became..." hold on...not a prince of a town called Bel Aire. A caregiver of a little old 81 year old Guyanese stubborn little man... who everyone falls in love with, but can be as mean as a snake!

Yep, after my mom passed away quicker than I ever expected, I became the power of attorney for my dad. Not only did I become responsible for his medical and financial affairs, but I was also responsible for taking care of him. I knew that he had been deteriorating. I knew that he had become depressed and somewhat incontinent. But, he had given up on life. We had both lost my mom who was a huge part of our lives.

Let me back up a little

 My mom had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2008 and had died suddenly with complications of c-diff in May. Prior to that, my dad had been a pastor in the AME Zion church for over 60 years. His church had been taken away (long story short) due to politics. He had gone into a deep depression. Preaching was all he had known. Having his church taken away plus my mom's illness was too much. Sometimes life's stresses can induce dementia... or at least speed it up. AND it is hard in the elderly to tell the difference between dementia and depression. Plus my dad shakes and shuffles so I think he has Parkinson's too! The diagnosis has been hard to get. I am being sent around and around to get the proper diagnosis. I'm actually still working on it.


Back to the story

The first few days were so hard for the both of us. My dad had not gone to the hospital to see my mother so the first time seeing her was at the funeral. He was so sad. After the funeral, he had a hard time remembering that she was gone. We placed a picture by his bedside for him to look at. He thinks that I am her a lot of the time and that is hard for both of us. My sister and I remind him that I am not her and that she is gone and that starts the grieving process over.
Then there's bath time. Here is a secret about me. I am scared of dentures. I am not sure as to why, but they creep me out. My dad has dentures. The first time we did bath time, he had trouble getting them out! Oh, the horror of us trying to get those slimy suckers out of his mouth. We did it. I'm still not 100% over the fear, but I have had to forcefully stick my hand in there and yank those suckers out!!!

A few weeks after my mom passed, my dad and I really got into it. Sometimes people with dementia can be very mean. This had been going on for weeks. He had been yelling at me almost daily. He was in an angry state and I was helping him get out of the bath. He was getting cold and yelled "You call yourself a nurse, you little piece of shit". I had enough and yelled back "If I am a piece of shit it's because I came from a big piece of shit named William Douglas. That's you! You old shit!" He looked at me in shock. I have never had a problem since that day...well not like that at least. I think he is somewhat scared of me...

The purpose of this blog

The purpose is just to post some encouragement to those who may be going through what I'm going through and to provide a little comic relief. When dealing with dementia, you have to figure things out and find ways to cope. Mine is humor. When my sister and I first started this journey, we ate a lot of fast food. We would ask my dad what he wanted to eat. He said I really like those salmon rolls we ate yesterday and that tomato juice to drink. We would not know what he was talking about. For a week, we tried to figure out what he was talking about. Finally, one day as we were eating, he told us he loved these salmon rolls. Turns out they were chicken burritos from Taco Bell and the tomato juice was Simply Lemonade Blueberry. Whenever he had a sad day, we made sure he had that for dinner.
I find myself checking on him while he is asleep and making sure he has his hat before he leaves the house. But he isn't my child, he is my father...the one who used to take care of me. This has been one hard transition. Won't you join me on my journey?